start counting...

Hi all... I am back from London. Very physically and mind draining work trip. I feel I have aged for 10years. Pretty terrible huh? The woman involved in the slapping case was on the flight with her beloved hubby, my colleagues and I were so hoping she would aim either one of us and let us say hello to the huge compensation of cash. Haha...

Day dreaming girls....*smack forehead and giggle*

Was taking a scroll at the unfinished bridge leading to the Marina Casino. It's beautiful. The scenery. The architectures. The lighting that brightens up the night. The shopping mall is huge, with interior design that is so perfectly well done, with an edge of modern fusion. I am sure it so gonna be a huge eye opener when all the shops and hotels are fully opened.

I guess I should start counting my blessings. People who still stay around with me, some grow up together with me, some going through my ups and downs, some witnessing my goods and my bads, some always being there for me whenever I need them, and most importantly, I know they never fail to love me. I should be glad I still have willing shoulders for me to lean on, for me to cry on, listening ears to hear me rave and rants.

那些默默关心我的人，

你们可以把你们的关心给收起来。

我不需要。

不要以为你们有多伟大，

因为你们从来都不知道失望也可以很难过。

但请相信我勇敢的很。

我正在很努力的走向我的未来。:)

Have a sudden craving for hawker centre breakfast, especially "zui gui" and hot soya bean milk. *slurp*

Heh.

Silly me...;p

Leaving on a jet plane back home!

Till Sunday morning! Loves~

future many tomorrows

Suddenly, it feels like a tight slap on the face. And I so feel like a FOOL.

Nevermind.

Whole loads of good things and wonderful encounters waiting for me in my future many tomorrows!

The power of positivity! Yay!

belle@lhr

So... did you miss me?
Hee..

London is having good weather. Bright and sunny with cool breeze, scrolling down the street with Starbucks Caramel Frappuccino is none other than pure indulgence and satisfaction. Nicole and Ling were here a day earlier and we were all having big cups filled with huge scoops of ice cream in my room last night till almost 2ish morning.

I am so glad I am feeling much better, I mean my health people. *lol* But the sneezes and coughing still trigger once in a while but I am definitely alright. Thank you to those who have shown concern and to those who didn't, aiya never mind la. Don't bother. Small case. I am not that important anyway. Don't really have many good friends actually. I just realise. Haha. But...I am okay... I don't need many friends. I just need those who really love me for who I am. Appreciate my strengths and accept my flaws. More than enough. :)

Was feeling rather lousy and low for quite a couple of days. Now come to think of it, I think I must be crazy. Getting emotional and affected over unnecessary stuffs and people, and then I don't even think they really know how I have felt and what I have gone through. I used to use mood swings as an excuse to tell people why I flared up. Was it really just simply mood swing, or was it I have higher expectation for certain people in my life. I can't even justified for myself now. People don't read minds, especially mine. I forgot. Haha..

And I have been telling myself these few days..."DON'T look forward to things and people whom don't belong to you."
:)

And yet, I allow myself to contradict from time to time....

好一点

All of a sudden, I feel I have been harsh to myself for the past days. I am not supposed to.
我是该对自己好一点的. =)

But somehow I still think life is a vicious cycle. You can't be too happy. Like I myself, I am afraid of being too happy. Whenever you get too happy, something bad always happens.

Off to London tonight. Be back on Sunday's morning. It so gonna be a long weekend in Singapore. Have a great one all.
加油! :)

想很用力的，很努力的，大哭一场。

Even when the phone is put down, I know I am still left with nothing, probably even nothing to begin with.

Disappointment

Back from a 4days work trip from Auckland. It was time to my own self, cooking own food, sleeping at own pace, falling asleep while watching TV, laughing at the Simpson cartoons, and then getting mixed feelings over super random thoughts.

Was back in the evening, received the most wanted call, and then to get excited over it. Meet up over supper and then met another new friend along the way, and then to realise it was just another one-sided hopeful thinking.

Just when I thought things are falling in place, it seems so otherwise. Things don't turn out to be my ideal, and everything right now in my life just doesn't seem to turn out the way I want them to be. Disappointment over people and probably even myself.

How I can lessen the level disappointment?

Friends, strangers, myself and everything.

Everything just doesn't seem to be right.

Even things like unknown stranger or probably it could have been someone I know, creating a fake facebook account based on my profile.

Hai...

least deserve

"Love me when I least deserve it, because that’s when I really need it."

- Eletheowl

原来你就在我身边

Fell in love with this song when my friend was singing it at KTV that day.

你 原来在我身边
我 却一直没发现想 在一起的画面
瞬间胜过永远
我 会陪在你身边
梦 会实现在这个季节
我看着你看着....

Super nice la! Haha...

I wonder how am I going to work later. Please let me work galley so that I don't have to talk so much. Been coughing quite a bit and that feeling is terrible.

ARGGHHH!

to a better tomorrow

Met up with Shervil for drinks and then the guys for some late dinner and drinks at roadside coffee shop. Was at Ice Cold Beer earlier on but I forbidden myself to drink. Voice still sucky and I don't even want to talk to hear my own voice. That's how bad it is. Haha.

Not feeling exactly fantastic, knowing there are so many things that are so beyond my limits and controls. For now, I guess only time and patience are the virtues. I don't expect to be rewarded but if I do, that would be a bonus. The tasks of clearing up misunderstanding with whoever and whoever, and sorting out my own messed up thoughts and emotions, somehow seem like a chore, seem like a huge pressure exerting on me.

Perhaps... I just need someone to listen. I just need you to listen. That's more than enough.

Alright. I shall head to do some light packing for work, do some reading then sleep.
May we all wake up to a better tomorrow. :)

tought one maybe

The 6th sense of a sick person is always more than accurate. I can't wait to get well soon, so I don't have to feel anything stronger than before, I don't have to let my mind go wild, I don't have to feel disappointed.

And then to realise actually you and you and you are just like anyone else. Just when I thought perhaps you and you and you can be different, you are no a single bit of special but just like the rest.

Hooola... it's a test. Tough one maybe.

;)

helpless

Just came home from a meet up with someone. Okay, a friend. And to feel I am actually so lost. So lost that I know I have nothing to begin with, and still I wish to end it with something. DUMB!

People who don't know you, judge you and bad mouth things behind your back, people who you care, actually choose to ignore and leave you. people who you thought you can trust, betray you. And things you know you will never get, yet there is nothing you can do except to put on a strong front and embrace the future.

I can't help it but to feel so helpless at this moment. And who should I talk to? And who can I really trust now?

get moving

The dream was weird. I know nothing will come out it, and yet I still indulge in it. Only in dreams, you set yourself free, you let your feelings and emotions go wild. I didn't hate to wake up, but it all felt like a tight slap on my face, like "cummon... get moving... you know you have to wake up one day right..."

Today I choose life. Every morning when I wake up I can choose joy, happiness, negativity, pain... To feel the freedom that comes from being able to continue to make mistakes and choices - today I choose to feel life, not to deny my humanity but embrace it.
-Kevyn Aucoin

Side track, whole world is going Taipei for holidays lor. Maybe I should go there next month during my pathetic few days of annual leaves. Alone, off my phone, so you don't disturb and no one disturbs. Heh.

Have a great day ahead people. It's raining though, still feeling hot and humid and the drowsiness of my stupid medication starts to kick in already. "Do not drive or operate machinery if you feel drowsy." Aiya, whatever la.

Till then, I know who matters.

=)

IRRITATE

Don't know is it because I am not feeling well, everyone, everything, every issue seems to irritate.

AND...

IRRITATE BIG TIME.

IPAD?

Told you, IPAD is so damn bloody COOL! Haha..

Met Cindy and Kuan earlier on for lunch, and I was so late! Really very sorry cos I seriously overslept. Snooze my alarm umpteen times and then to realise I was so late. Managed to see a doctor earlier on, just in case la. He said I kanna some flu virus la, I just hope I will get better very soon. Precious off days aren't supposed to be wasted just like that.

But still, there are people who don't really seem to understand and they probably think I am just faking it, so that I don't have to hang out with them. Don't feel like explaining anymore. I know I am justified to myself, that's more than enough.

almost perfect day, but yet.

I thought I could have started the day perfect. Had 8hours of sleep, mummy's packed lunch with love, received the least expected smses from someone whom I used to care a lot, the plans to meet the friends for dinner and ktv. Despite my husky and almost voiceless throat box due to my terrible sore throat, I still thought the day was smooth and almost perfect.

But....

Then....

I flared up the mid way through. Okay maybe not really flared. But I got worked up, over something that was so small and unnecessary. And it was with the same person, over and over again, for months? Yes, many many months. Maybe our characters just clash, or maybe it's just me. But yet I can't believe I could get so agitated with someone who is just a friend. I have a very bad temper to begin with, and yet at times people say I hide it so well in front of everybody so that I can look perfect. Hell load, I think I am losing it, losing my ability to look perfect everytime.

We are all human beings and who doesn't want face and ego? Especially guys. Don't say guys. I myself I want to win. I have my own temper to shallow, a temper that not everyone can tolerate, and a strong character that challenges.

Every time when such similar incident or misunderstanding or arguement or whatever you called it happened, we solved it, made peace and then awhile later another incident will definitely arise again. Well, you know it's a whole load of challenge to tackle this kind of frequent conflicts again and again and again, and each time either one has to think of ways to break the ice and start a new conversation all over again.

And then to feel disappointed because it happened again.

If I am a pain, I think that friend is worse. Haha. I wish I can don't bother but too bad, I can't. Haha.

You know, sometimes I so wish I am still like a kid, and say to friends who upset me "hmph...i don't friend you anymore. tomorrow i won't share my barbie doll with you...i go home tell my mother then you know."
HAHAHA....

Alrighty, I need to wash up and sleep. Such nice weather to sleep in but I keep coughing. Meeting Cindy for tea later! On a lighter note, I love my "best friend". He brought me water cos I said my throat was almost dying and I felt he genuinely care. Love you dear! I hope your wifey doesn't read this. Haha.

And Happy Birthday to Jianling! =)

Good night and loves. :)

heading home, sweet.

Finally heading home later. feeling pretty much fatter than usual. All the indulgence... Haha..
It's good to meet up friends along the journey, you know sometimes when you reach Singapore you find it so hard to find a time together to catch up. Doing this flight with friends on board, met Julian in Japan, talked to the Ah Beng on phone across the universe ( okay la...not across but probably just the distance between Singapore and Tokyo. ha)

Well sometimes you know you only have that much to say, that amount of stand to comment. Other than that, you have to bear with the uneasiness and to make your own self realise you have to wake up and realise perhaps maybe it's just a phase or passer by story that somehow triggers your emotions, We are all moving on, each and everyday, all for the better. I guess so. :)

can't sleep in Japan

World's Greatest Superstar; Hollywood Best Girlfriend; Hollywood Best Ex-Girlfriend. Thank you for the awards. Hahaha...! =p

I can't get myself to sleep anymore. Had about 4hours of sleep and I am so widely awake now. So wanted to go to the opposite to buy MacDonald's breakfast but I am so lazy. Going for brunch later, or probably I shall just wait or? Contemplating sial...

*ROAR* I am invading Japan again. :)

a little bit of fun

Had a little bit of fun at Universal Studios, Los Angeles today.
Don't envy me.
:p

LAXation

Hello! I am in Los Angeles and have had a pretty long day. Now eating my dinner, sipping my japanese milk tea, resting my tired body (especially my legs), and gluing my eyes to my laptop. And the freaking thought of having to shower, blow dry hair and paint nails later just turn me off. BOooo...

The question mark(s) I have since a few days ago seem so much clearer now. Though subconsciously I still do very much think of it. Oh well, I come to realise there are actually so many things which are so beyond my reach. Maybe there will be a time pause somewhere in the future, for me, for you and for everyone else to re think what and who they really want in life and a second chance to own a new choice or a decision.

Likewise, when you have to constantly think and remind yourself how to communicate with certain people so that it benefits both parties. It's like even such simple relationship between 2 people can be such a chore. And then you start wondering to yourself, "what's wrong huh?"

I have lots more to say But I am so sleepy now. My eyes can barely open. Need a mini break before the shower. ;p Till much later okay? Muacks!

Much love

Much love, Tokyo.

:)

will be surprised

It's another working day in a few hours time. Off days never seem to be enough. But literally, I am contented. Met those whom I wanna see, perhaps only that tiny winy bit of indescribable disappointment, all in all, everything could have been better. But well, we shall see. What's yours, eventually will be yours. What's not meant to be, eventually will still run away, even if you beg and cry and mourn. Been telling myself not to be too harsh to myself. Let my heart goes. Maybe....I say maybe...I will be surprised. :)

Caught IP Man last night & it was indeed really good, like what most people and reviews said. Only to reach home this morning and fall asleep at 6ish. Almost wanted to sleep naked, cos the weather was too unbearable. Haha...

I used to think why can people do this, why can people do that, and then to realise actually me myself, I am not close to perfect either, and why should I judge people based on what they have done or what I have heard? I am not fitted anyway.

Well, have a great Saturday with your loved ones~:)

Didn't sleep well...

Didn't sleep well. My brain was like not resting, kept knocking thoughts into my mind. How disturbing. *ROAR*

For the first time, after so long, that I felt waking up, taking my first breathe of the day and facing the reality was such torturing. And to add on, the overwhelming weather is annoying.
*roll eyes*

So... What's for lunch today? ;p

courage

If I have the courage to hold it up right in the beginning, I should have the determination to put it down when the chapter ends.

Correct?

Bingo.

Good night people.

For a better tomorrow. :)

different heartbeat

Finally back home, but with a different heartbeat now.

I suppose there is really nothing I can do but to pretend everything hasn't changed, nothing has happened, and I am still the same me 8days ago, pumping the same heartbeat.

可是，我还是忍不住的难过了一下。

left behind

8days of work trip is finally coming to an end. It seems long yet short, you know those kind of self-contradicting statements? Last night was another round of drinking and more drinking, playing card games, coming up with funny and gross forfeits (you won't want to know), playing hide and seek, eating dinner together, crapping over stupid lame jokes and laugh for no reason.

Today....is just weird actually. Well, something we just don't have to take it seriously. It probably is just another chapter or small little story along the way. We are all heading home now, heading back to where and who we should belong to. Some memories are just meant to be kept and left behind.

Time to shower and get ready!
Muacks..=)

真心

在这五花八门的城市中，
我开始怀疑谁才是对我真心。

友情也好，爱情也好，
每个人的付出好像都是带着面具的。
尽管我是很想放心的去相信，
那虚伪的关心，
那不持久的真心，
也许也是一种爱。

可笑的是在旁的观众，
可悲的却是自己吧。

你的真心，你掉了吗?

超人不会飞

Love the new song! But I don't understand why they get that man to be the Superman. Abit off lei.. Was expecting Mr J to be the Superman himself. It's a wonderful song though. :p

warm & sunny

Hello! How's everyone out there? Frankfurt and New York are having very good weather. Warm and sunny, almost perfect for the upcoming summer. =)

And me? Bumped into a few friends overseas, all the HIs and BYEs, then there are so many alcoholics, and I had one of the worst hangover ever. Heading spinning the whole day, vomited many times, and I had such a hard time dragging myself out of the bed. Seriously don't fancy it, especially when I don't even remember what happened last night. And people started to tell you things that make me feel like slapping myself. ANYWAY, I just can't wait to go back Singapore on Wednesday evening. So missed being around, and I suppose to do a London right after I come back, but in the end, I change my mind. Money is never enough to earn. Need those precious times in Singapore to recuperate and meet the long awaited ones. :)

With love.